Valentine’s day, the greatest holiday of our time, is almost upon us. So let me start by saying, u r 2 qt 2 b 4gotten.

It’s been a minute (months) since I sent a letter. Is this because I’ve been galavanting about at warp speed, dodging scheduling conflicts, and double-booking social engagements??? No!!! I just had nothing to say <3

I’ve found that corresponding this way (insanely, via newsletter) is best left for when I suddenly remember that I have to tell you something immediately. This is my most theme-less letter to date (and the bar was sunken in some deep ocean trench, so, you know, wow).

Don’t overthink it (me to me), but please enjoy this round-up of things I’ve loved recently, ranging from a TV show to a vasectomy.

P.S. Very unintentionally, this letter is heavy on phallic mentions. HAPPY (almost) VALENTINE’S DAY!!!

Have you ever been so high you never wanted the night to end? Me too; every Thursday when I play pickleball at a rec center with my friends Jake and Kenna (and Michael). This game has the power to change the world through wholesome fun and almost aggressively nonsensical scoring. 

Have you ever wondered what the mega-rich are up to when it comes to securing their longevity? Space colonization aside, maybe you’ve thought of cryogenics, uploaded intelligence, or cloning…Well, there is a tv show that has all of that!

It’s meta (🤮), realistic, soulful, and v v v watchable. If you liked the show Dark, I think you will enjoy this—the styles are disparate as hell but the vibes overlap, imho.

Have you ever thought about what would make Michael schedule his vasectomy? It’s this very cute photo of our daughter he received from daycare. He took one look and immediately took action.

Have you ever wondered what to do after getting a vasectomy? Michael and I went to brunch! Full circle moment to my first letter. Next time, Michael will be guest-writing a full review of the experience.

Have you ever wanted a round-up of quotes so nuanced and impactful, they made you rethink the very meaning of life?

Here you go:

”My husband can't be impotent. He's gorgeous.”

“I'm a dildo model.”

“A little while later, freshly showered and freaked out, I drove to the studio for my meeting with Matthew McConaughey.”

“He's the John Grisham of penises.”

“Please, it’s LA. No one cares if your egg whites have a side of cock.”

“Later that night, Samantha invited Mr. Dildo out for dim sum, and then some.”

“I mean, if I could master a stick shift, could a successful relationship be that far behind?”

Guys…Those are all quotes from one single episode of Sex and the City: Season 3, episode 13: Escape From New York.

This series is the greatest piece of art that we have.

Have you ever thought about what kind of parent you are/would be? This is the kind that Michael is: texting me to say our daughter is giving Denethor from Lord of the Rings.

Have you ever thought, “What is the main purpose of beef fat?” The answer to that question is that its main purpose is to make tallow-based moisturizers that keep my skin so lushly hydrated that I feel like a fresh morning dew drop.

My favorite Euro one.
My favorite American one.

Have you ever wanted to read something manically joyful and macabre and visceral and provocative and above all deeply satisfying?Then go read this essay by my friend Lucinda about the underworld-adjacent, nocturnal-ass schedule she’s been keeping and the repercussions of doing so.

Photo courtesy of a prehistoric zoom call when Lucinda and I were but mere colleagues.

Have you ever forgotten that I was off social media? Don’t worry, I’ll literally never let you forget. Especially because I’ve come to realize it was the only way I was communicating with some friends since moving abroad, and I’ve had to private-investigator-ize myself to get their contact information.

Earnestly speaking, it’s still a positive source of good in my life and I do think my memory, attention span, and vibes are slowly healing.

Photo courtesy of me typing “books” into the Pinterest search bar.